


Pride and Paintball

by YellowBananaOwl



Category: Cabin Pressure
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-02
Updated: 2015-04-02
Packaged: 2018-03-20 23:23:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3669018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YellowBananaOwl/pseuds/YellowBananaOwl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur is arranging Herc's stag do, but things don't exactly go according to plan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pride and Paintball

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BiancaIcaras](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BiancaIcaras/gifts), [TomatoFujoshi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TomatoFujoshi/gifts).



> I got prompted in the fandot chat and this was the result. My prompts were "Pride" and "Paintball game"
> 
> Characters owned by John Finnemore. I only borrow them.

"Well, thank you, Arthur," said Herc as they walked out of the Knapp-Shappey house. "That was a very ... _interesting_ meal."

"Brilliant! I've never tried to make risotto before, I mean, it's kind of like surprising rice, but Mum said I _had_ to follow the instructions this time and not put anything else in it, which made it kind of boring in my opinion, but I'm glad you liked it, Herc, because this is your big day! Oh, and I'm sorry about the jelly I didn't really know it was actually made from _real_ jellyfish!"

"It's not made from _jellyfish_ , Arthur," Herc explained.

"Then why is it called jelly?"

"Shall we perhaps move on to the next activity?" Douglas interrupted.

"Oh yes!" said Arthur excitedly. "Now that we have eaten it's time to do something fun! And as the best man, oh I love saying that, I have prepared a day of loads of fun."

"I never doubted you for a second, Arthur."

"So … we are going … "

"Yes, Arthur. We're going to miss it if you drag this out any longer." Douglas shot in.

"Oh, right. We are going paintballing!"

"Paintballing?"

"Yes! Doesn't it sound brilliant? We get to run around and have fun and cover each other with paint!" Arthur was getting more excited by each syllable.

"Well then, let's get this thing moving," said Herc. "I can't wait to fire bullets at Harrier."

"Bullets?"

"Yes, Arthur. You _do_ know we're using guns, right?" Martin asked.

"Guns? No I didn't! Why would we want to shoot anyone? That's horrible! This is supposed to be fun. We don't want anyone to get hurt."

"We won't get hurt, Arthur," Douglas said reassuringly. "It's like you said, we get to run around and cover each other with paint."

"But with guns?"

"What did you think we were doing?" wondered Wellington. "Emptying great buckets of paint on each other?"

"Oh that would be brilliant, wouldn't it?" Arthur said excitedly. "But no, I thought it was balls of paint and then we would throw them at each other. It's called paint _ball_!"

"The paintbullets are small balls, Arthur. I can assure you it will be fine," Herc said. "Thank you for arranging this!"

The men arrived at the field and left the highly decorated vehicle they were using for the day. Arthur had managed to borrow a mini-bus owned by Fitton primary and had thoroughly decorated it with airplanes and top hats and a huge sign in the rear window that said "HERC'S STAG DO". They entered the reception area and was guided to an instructor who explained the rules and how the equipment worked. 

Arthur looked down at his gun and whispered to Martin who stood nearest. "I'm not so sure about this, Skip."

"It will be fine, Arthur. We're not _really_ shooting anyone. It's just pretend, and it's just paint."

"Okay, so we need to divide into two teams," said Douglas. "My suggestion is that the groom and best man get to captain a team each. I know it might pain you, Martin, not to get the chance to be the captain again, but it seems fair, don't you think?"

"Very funny, Douglas."

"Wow, I get to be a captain? Brilliant! You pick first Herc. Since you're the groom and all."

"Thank you, Arthur" said Herc and looked at the group in front of him. "Hm, as much as I would love to put a big blue stain on his behind, I think I'll pick Douglas. Just so I can boss him around for a change."

"I knew you wouldn't pass up the chance to be my superior for once," Douglas snarled, but walked over to Herc.

"Oh, it's my turn," said Arthur. "Er, Sk-I mean Martin. Well, I guess I'm the Skip now, wow that's brilliant. But will you be on my team?"

"You pick _me_?" Martin sounded surprised. "I never get picked first for anything."

"Well, technically _I_ was picked first."

"Shut up, Douglas," Herc and Martin chorused.

"Of course," said Arthur. "It will be brilliant!"

"Wellington," said Herc, and his brother made his way over to him and Douglas.

"And Harrier for us," finished Arthur. "Great!"

"So the first team to capture the other team's flag, wins, right?" Martin asked.

"Right," stated Herc. "Let's get started."

Herc's team ran to the other side of the field, while Arthur and his two men waited for someone to signal the start of the game. About a minute later the chaps heard Herc call "game on" and they all got their guns ready. 

"I can't see anyone, can you?" Harrier whispered.

"No," said Martin. "But I'm sure they are making their way towards us. Who's guarding the flag?"

"Can I do that?" asked Arthur. "I'm not sure I want to go hunting for pilots."

"It's not hunting, Arthur," said Martin. "And you will have to shoot whoever reaches the flag, so it's a very risky job."

"I'll do it," said Harrier. "I bet they'll send Herc to get the flag and his arse is mine!"

Harrier crouched down behind a barrier while the other two ran quickly to a nearby hiding place. Shortly after they could hear someone approaching.

"What shall we do, Skip?" Arthur whispered nervously.

"You're the captain, Arthur. It's your decision." 

"I don't know, what do you think we should do?"

Martin took a deep breath and ran forward with his eyes closed, firing his gun in panic.

"Ouch, dammit! I'm hit! Ouch! Martin, stop firing, you got me, alright!"

Martin opened his eyes and saw Douglas standing there, covered in red dots.

"S-s-sorry, D-D-Douglas," Martin stammered and jumped back behind the cover. "I got Douglas."

"Oh, is he okay?" 

"He's fine, but he's out of the game. Which means we're in the lead."

"Brilliant!"

"Now there's only Herc and Wellington left, and Harrier thought maybe Herc would try and get the flag, so that means Wellington is probably guarding their flag."

"Okay, Skip. I still can't believe you shot Douglas."

"It's just a game, Arthur. I didn't actually physically hurt him. Probably hurt his pride, though. Now, let's get that flag."

"Okay."

The two of them ran between trees, tires and haystacks until they had reached the very end of the field and looked at an empty playground at the other side of the fence. There was still no sign of neither Herc nor Wellington, and Arthur was getting worried.

"What if they're all dead?"

"No one is dead, Arthur."

"Not proper dead, I know that. But what if they reached Harrier and now they're all out of the game."

"We would have heard it if they were. No, it's too quiet, they're definitely hiding somewhere."

"Got you!" Herc' voice came from behind them, and Arthur fired his gun in panic. The bullet zoomed in the direction of the playground, went through the fence and hit a wall of painted animals.

"I'm sorry for doing this Arthur," Herc said and fired a bullet at his left arm.

"OW! " 

Arthur's cry was quickly followed by Martin's hiss of pain as Herc shot him straight in the chest.

"I guess we're out of the game," Martin sighed and shot Herc an angry look. "Seriously, Herc? The chest? You only hit Arthur on the arm."

"Well, maybe I didn't want to kill my best man right before my wedding to his mother. And you shot my team member so call it a bit of revenge." Herc said and laughed. "So that leaves good old Harrier by the flag, right? Oh I can't wait to get him."

Herc ran off in the direction of Harrier.

"I guess we have to leave the field now, Arthur," said Martin and pulled gently on Arthur's sleeve. But the other man stood frozen to the spot.

"What's wrong, Arthur? Are you hurt?"

"I-I-I-I."

"Arthur, what is it?" Martin sounded worried. "Are you okay?"

"I shot a panda, Skip!" 

"What?"

"There!" Arthur pointed at the playground. "I shot a panda!"

"It's okay, Arthur. Let's go to the dead zone."

"A _panda_ , Skip! That's BAD, they're really really rare!"

"It's not a real panda, Arthur!"

"I thought we were going to throw paint at each other and now I've shot a panda! This is not fun at all!"

"Arthur, it's just a game and it's only a painting of a panda. You haven't hurt anyone! Let's get to the dead zone before we get more bullets shot at us."

Martin pulled Arthur by the arm with one hand, while holding his gun over his head with the other.

"We're hit!" he kept repeating while dragging the steward to the dead zone to join Douglas and, as it turned out, Wellington.

"Ah, if it isn't the dreadful Captain Shappey and his little helper,"

"Shut up, Douglas," said Martin and sat down on the grass next to him. 

"What is wrong with the best man?"

"I shot a panda."

"You what?"

"He fired his gun at a playground and hit a painting of a panda," Martin explained.

"Ah."

"I've ruined public property, Douglas! I shot at a kids' playground! And I shot a panda! What kind of a person am I?"

Martin tried to calm him down. "It wasn't on purpose, Arthur. And you didn't ruin it. You only added some paint to a painting." 

The sound of an gun being fired followed by a loud grown and an even louder cheer interrupted their conversation and a red flag was being waved.

"Ah, it looks like Captain Shipwright was finally successful," said Douglas smugly. "It had to happen some time, I guess."

It didn't take long before Herc and Harrier came towards them. Herc was beaming with the red flag in his hand, Harrier came slouching behind him.

"Where did he get you, Harrier?" asked Wellington.

"Turn around and show them," demanded Herc.

Harrier sighed and turned around, showing them a big blue spot on his bum.

Wellington laughed and clapped. "Good one, Herc!"

"Sorry, chaps," said Harrier to his team mates.

"It's fine," said Martin. "At least you got Wellington!"

"What's wrong with Arthur?" Herc asked as he saw his best man sitting on the ground with his head in his hands.

"He turned into a paintball artist against his will," said Douglas. "And he shot a panda."

"He what?"

Martin explained what had happened and Herc sat down next to Arthur.

"Arthur, it's fine, you know that, right? You haven't done anything wrong. I'm sure this thing happens all the time. That's why the field is only open when the playground is closed. So no one gets hurt. But I tell you what, we'll take a little break and go in that festive vehicle of yours to a shop and buy some black and white paint and we'll fix that panda."

"Really?"

"Why not? It sounds like fun," said Herc. "We can buy a few beers and make an activity out of it."

"That sounds brilliant!" said Arthur. "And we can take pictures with our faces in the holes."

"On one condition," said Herc. "We don't go anywhere near that creepy farm picture!"


End file.
